When not in a rush, I very succinctly go through these procedures to find my keys, and invariably; I am successful. I've never actually lost my keys (*knock on wood*).
When in a rush, this process becomes a bit more sporadic. Instead of starting from most likely spot to least, I sort of bumble around. And, eventually, after location after location proves unfruitful, I start to feel the panic. I start to actually question what I know to be true! The simple procedures that I once knew to work without fail, that seemed almost reflexive...seem to have vanished.
When did I last have them? Where could they be? I rush to make sure the car is still in the driveway and hasn't been stolen.
Because I was already in a rush, and now I've been bumbling around for 10 minutes that I didn't have to spare to begin with, I'm now in full on panic mode. Hysterics really.
I can feel how clouded my brain is. I can feel my heart rate rising. I can feel agitation.
So many unnecessary thoughts flood my brain. I can't stop for coffee now. Patients will be waiting for me. Is my kid is sitting alone feeling scared or sad no parent is there to pick them up? Do I keep looking for keys or do I take the time to stop and call to give a heads up that I'm late...further delaying my departure? Could they be in my husband's car and he's gone?
Question, after question, after question comes wafting in like tsunami. Questions I can no longer prioritize. Questions for which there used to be clear and simple answers.
If someone's home, I've looped them into the search. I'm insisting my husband help. He's calm, because he's thinking the obvious: "Where's the last place you saw them?"
But, in my current panicked state, that information, which is normally VERY retrievable, is simply gone.
It's vanished.
I am almost paralyzed.
At this point, I fear I might never find them. I feel defeated.
If no one is home, I'm considering who I can call to get me to work. Or who can bring my kid home? I've looped so many unnecessary people into this procedure. I've interrupted their lives and routines. I'm frustrated, mad at myself, mad at things that don't have anything to do with the current situation, like "if our house wasn't such a disaster in the first place, then this wouldn't happen." "Why do I even need a purse!? Clothing should have more pockets." "How dare Matt leave this house before he's sure I have and know where my keys are." (Everything's his fault...am I right?)
I've done all the texting. I've got arrangements made, and take a deep breath.
I calm down and start again.
Not on the key hooks. Not on the counter.
I go look in my purse...
...and there they are. Buried under some coupons that I always keep and never use. (Why!!!???)
And that, my friends and colleagues, is why I choose to not panic. Why I refuse to watch and listen to this hysteria. Why I will read educational articles from non-political sources and simply...
...remain calm, follow procedure and continue to use the knowledge I know to be true.
