I've been barreling down this hill of life, never looking back...always steamrolling forward toward some goal or destination.
My hill of life seems to have no steep peaks or valleys...it's straight down .
And, the material I wear acts as a lint roller...just picking up more and more items as I go.
None of them slowing me down.
Yet.
Then, when I hit these tiny bumps, such as boulders or trees in my path (I get sick or pregnant or injured), I get this little glimpse of what life would be like if I suddenly couldn't carry these items anymore.
Some of the items fall off, and need to be gathered back up quickly before they roll away. And as much as it pains me to the core, it's not a job for just one person. I need help...or to simply let go.
As these items scurry away, I see it's way too much for another person to add all that I can no longer carry to their own load.
I don't care how much this person loves me, or my items.
How selfish of me to think it's ok to carry all of this.
I think: I owe apologies to my loved ones. But, hopefully, they all support me, because they see where I am going?
Yet...try as I might to let them roll away, I still want these items. And more. I still want it all.
So, I pop back up, sometimes stronger and more determined than before. I gather it all back.
I feel so unsettled and unsatisfied, all the time. But just within myself. There's just some gnawing little fire, whispering...keep going...you're not there yet...there's more...
My fire to live every moment to the fullest and BEST reignites, and my engine starts pushing me back down that hill.
And here. Barreling forward, is where I feel at peace.
And I wonder. Does everyone feel this way?
Does everyone feel that they have some unspoken message within them? Some unexplored, dormant or inactive potential?
Or do people exist that are simply complacent? They are exactly where they want to be? Could I be like that? Will I know when it's too much. When to let go?
I wouldn't change a single thing that led me to here. I LOVE here.
But, not enough to stay put.
So, I will continue to travel, hastily down this hill, and I'll continue to pick things up. And I just hope, in the end, I'll have made a only a positive difference.
I think that's what makes it all worth the trip?
