Every Summer, since Brock turned 9, we make the long, 6 hour trek to Lake Okoboji in Iowa, to drop the kids off at camp. We drive through these back roads, some not even paved, through Iowa farmland. It’s impossible not to see, admire, remark on the beauty of these steads. The pride these farmers take in their crops seems to exude from every angle - or windmill. If we’re lucky, we see a crop duster, gliding through the sky, you can almost taste the exhilaration. One year, a bald eagle flew by our car and Diana, without hesitation, pumped her fist in the air and proclaimed “America”. Even the youngest of our crew subconsciously takes in the sense of beauty and freedom that these farmlands radiate. You might catch a farmer out on his tractor, tilling along, row after row, in some sort of peaceful meditative path. Nowhere else he’s got to be...sigh. We can’t help but wonder to ourselves about the simplicity of it all. This glimpse at life, so vastly different than ours, yet so lovely and sustainable, makes me realize, for some, this is “having it all”. And I think. Gosh. I can see it. What a lovely life.
While on our honeymoon in Hawaii, Matt and I rented a car and explored the entire island of Kauai. We did some of the touristy stuff, but as we do, we tried to blend in and get the locals experience as well. On our slow, and unguided exploration days, we stumbled upon, what appeared more shack-like than house for sale and found it to be in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. This little beach front property would likely have been condemned and destined to be torn down in the quaint neighborhoods of our Kansas City homeland. We were momentarily astonished, until we thought about what it might be like to move to this magical island we were struggling to leave in a few days time, anyway...do you even really need a house if you live in beauty like this? How much money or hobbies do you really need? How incredible would it be to surf the waves, eat outside every night, listen to the ocean as you doze off. I don’t need 4,000 square feet when I have the beauty of the island available every day. How vastly different island life would be, and it sort of felt like a shack on the ocean equates to “having it all”.
As we drove across the country, through desert lands we’d never experienced, it appeared that certain areas looked to be developed by “squatters”. Like, we are pretty sure that people got tired of “the man” and took campers to the middle of nowhere, off Route 66, parked their vehicle and never left again. Like cousin Eddy. Though, supposedly, there is no “unclaimed land” left in the US, we’re pretty sure no one is going to kick them out of the weeds. These nomads can hike to their hearts content, and live off the grid forevermore. Though, this life sounds terrible to me, it still makes you think, why? Why the daily grind. Why the lofty goals and the crazy activities schedule. Why all the people? And the friends? And the family obligations? Why the travels and the flights and the hotels and the food? It’s all so much. So gluttonous. So...heavy. The option does exist to to simply exist. To amble and have nowhere to be, and for some, isn’t that “having it all”?
Years and years ago. In the times before my career had fully bloomed. Before my children had fully bloomed. In fact, I think I’d had 2, maybe pregnant with a 3rd. A long article what published in The Atlantic (I believe) titled something liked “Why we can’t have it all”. It was written by some higher up in Washington, on the Obama administration, who’d had to scale way back (or maybe it was even leave) from a dream job because her teen boys were struggling and needed her at home. In essence, she had to choose between work or family. She’d successfully “made it” only to still have to choose in the end, so she composed a long and extremely well-written thought piece on why women still can’t have it all. I would not have read this article, were it not for the fact that no less than 7. Seven people sent it to me, telling me that it made them think of me. The whole article as well as the fact that people sent it to me irked me to no end. As far as I’d ever heard or figured out in life, literally NO ONE HAS "IT ALL".
I'm curious. Did this woman think that if society would have more rapidly adapted to a less patriarchal system that she wouldn't have mentally ill sons? If only all the resources supported a working mother or dual income household better? Does she think that mental illness doesn't happen in children when the father works a demanding job even with a stay at home mother? What about homes with 2 mothers? Do they both have to leave their high profile careers?
What is "it all" anyway? Isn't "it" different for absolutely everyone?
Did you ever stop to think that maybe almost everyone has it all? Because, isn’t “it all” simply the ability to choose? It felt like this article was just whining. Why can’t we work 90+ hour weeks in a demanding high profile career that we love. And spend time with our children. And have a loving spouse. And a perfect house. And completely physically and mentally healthy family members. And all the money we want. And all the vacations we want. And get appreciated properly for all that we do. And never have a bump in the road or a bad day or a hard break? Why can’t it all work out perfectly? I can’t help but picture Veruca Salt, whining about her golden ticket.
Everywhere I go, I observe lives so drastically different from mine. I'm intrigued. Curious. Excited. I could see a million ways one could enjoy this one life we are given. Yet, I'm exactly where I want to be. I see no greener grass. And if my grass starts to wilt, I will water it. Even if that means pulling my energies from elsewhere.
