You see, like most parents (and I'm assuming teachers) felt, I am straight up terrified of a repeat March and April. It was a DISASTER. There was the underlying stress of the panic due to the pandemic with the expectation to carry on, at home, with some kind of continued education of our grade school age children. In my case, a 5th, a 3rd, a 2nd, a K and a Pre-Ker. I am NOT exaggerating when I say that we accomplished nothing. Nada. Zero. If my kids managed to turn in even 50% of their assignments, I guarantee you they were neither complete nor correct. The level of home discord we achieved on a daily basis was enough to send even the most sane human to the funny farm. My children could mostly be found on the floor crying if not on an electronic device.
Let me be clear, I'm not criticizing schools or teachers. They were tasked with the impossible, and I applaud their effort. I applaud their continued efforts. I just cannot go through it again and besides abandoning my patients during their time of heightened need (because, turns out long-standing stress, panic and fear wreaks havoc on more than just the mental - which I also treat - but the physical begins to deteriorate) I can't stop working either. I say this, because if someone tries to argue that the true fault is that of the American work structure, I'm calling BS in my particular situation, as well as many others.
I need to see patients. Period. There's no getting around it...and for a lot of jobs...there is NO getting around it!! (Well, unless we mass produce robots to stock the grocery shelves and bag up groceries and deliver them to your door. Or robots to take vitals and manage meds on inpatients, flip them, help them to the commode, you know, all the things. Or robots to take over my job even...hold on, I think I'm on to something!!)
Because of this experience, as well as my area of expertise (Family Physician, with a side of super stats/data nerd) I decided, with some encouragement of some other school members, I needed to be part of the school's re-opening process and task force. It shouldn't be that difficult, since somewhere around the last week in February, I've been incessantly studying (from afar) the Coronavirus. These motives were not purely selfish. My privileged, white children will be fine without a year or two of education and socialization. I could not, however, get over the idea that if I struggled this much to stay mentally healthy, physically healthy, electronically savvy, organized enough to do anything, then how on earth are those in far worse conditions faring??!!!
We {the task force} spent hours. Days. Pouring over and coming up with good strategies. Strategies influenced by the top pediatricians, Harvard, the CDC, and multiple incredibly reputable resources. I'd been trying my best to come at it from a place of reason and logic.
Weighing the benefits and risks of everything we do as individuals as well as everything we do as a society. Like peeling an onion, we went through layers and layers of situations. What ifs. Weighing both the now and the future.
I obsessed and poured over the data.
I wanted so badly to be able to come up with good solutions. Good options. Something that might work for everyone involved. Words of comfort and wisdom for my colleagues, administrators, patients, friends, family.
Because of this experience, as well as my area of expertise (Family Physician, with a side of super stats/data nerd) I decided, with some encouragement of some other school members, I needed to be part of the school's re-opening process and task force. It shouldn't be that difficult, since somewhere around the last week in February, I've been incessantly studying (from afar) the Coronavirus. These motives were not purely selfish. My privileged, white children will be fine without a year or two of education and socialization. I could not, however, get over the idea that if I struggled this much to stay mentally healthy, physically healthy, electronically savvy, organized enough to do anything, then how on earth are those in far worse conditions faring??!!!
We {the task force} spent hours. Days. Pouring over and coming up with good strategies. Strategies influenced by the top pediatricians, Harvard, the CDC, and multiple incredibly reputable resources. I'd been trying my best to come at it from a place of reason and logic.
Weighing the benefits and risks of everything we do as individuals as well as everything we do as a society. Like peeling an onion, we went through layers and layers of situations. What ifs. Weighing both the now and the future.
I obsessed and poured over the data.
I wanted so badly to be able to come up with good solutions. Good options. Something that might work for everyone involved. Words of comfort and wisdom for my colleagues, administrators, patients, friends, family.
But, no matter the solution, there were always critics to shut down every option. No answer pleased everyone.
Turns out, there simply is no reasoning when the only barometer against which we are measuring what we do, which next steps to take, how we should go about living and moving forward is, "But, what if someone dies?"
I've treated this no different than any illness I encounter as a physician.
But. That's where I went wrong. That's the piece of the puzzle I could never solve, nor overcome.
There is no other illness as publicized and polarized than this. It defies all logic and reason from every dimension.
Did you know, there are currently estimated to be 2.1 BILLION mentions of Coronavirus in the media, whilst tuberculosis - THE NUMBER ONE WORLDWIDE CAUSE OF DEATH BY AN INFECTIOUS DISEASE - has less than 3 million mentions. TUBERCULOSIS!! This has both a vaccine and a CURE. *mind blown emoji* And since children always seem to be such a gut-wrenching figure - there were 205,000 TB deaths under the age of 18 last year. By comparison, (reports worldwide range with 0-0.8% of all COVID deaths are children - definition varies, so for argument sake, I'm going with the highest percentage) there have been approx 5,486 deaths of children, worldwide in 5 months. That would end up with around 13,167 deaths in a year, IF nothing gets better.
Turns out, there simply is no reasoning when the only barometer against which we are measuring what we do, which next steps to take, how we should go about living and moving forward is, "But, what if someone dies?"
I've treated this no different than any illness I encounter as a physician.
But. That's where I went wrong. That's the piece of the puzzle I could never solve, nor overcome.
There is no other illness as publicized and polarized than this. It defies all logic and reason from every dimension.
Did you know, there are currently estimated to be 2.1 BILLION mentions of Coronavirus in the media, whilst tuberculosis - THE NUMBER ONE WORLDWIDE CAUSE OF DEATH BY AN INFECTIOUS DISEASE - has less than 3 million mentions. TUBERCULOSIS!! This has both a vaccine and a CURE. *mind blown emoji* And since children always seem to be such a gut-wrenching figure - there were 205,000 TB deaths under the age of 18 last year. By comparison, (reports worldwide range with 0-0.8% of all COVID deaths are children - definition varies, so for argument sake, I'm going with the highest percentage) there have been approx 5,486 deaths of children, worldwide in 5 months. That would end up with around 13,167 deaths in a year, IF nothing gets better.
Try, now, to convince me that we care about lives...
...ALL lives that is. Black lives. American Lives. European lives. 3rd world country lives. Poor lives.
Because, I can't help but see it that we let thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people die. EVERY year. From a treatable disease...simply because it doesn't really affect us directly. It's not really here. In America. Amongst the rich. The white. The healthy. The successful.
But now. NOW. All of a sudden there's a virus that affects US ALL. "No one is safe" (though, clearly there are demographics who are...) so let's drastically change all of society!?? To the potential demise of our entire country for one reason or another. I know, I'm getting off topic, but my brain goes down this perplexing rabbit hole. Every. Time.
...ok, back here again, waiting to hear about how much we care about our lives...
If the barometer I used was simply, "but, what if someone dies". I would never, ever, EVER prescribe another medication again. EVER.
I ask all physicians, how often do you refrain from prescribing a recommended and vital medication because compliance might not be 100%? How often do you prescribe a new medication and tell the patient it is 100% safe? That there is no chance of adverse reaction? Ranging from a simple rash to kidney damage to death? If you are, then please, tell me!! What are and where are these meds!!!??
Ok, ok. You're not going to tell me...because they don't exist.
So, returning to reality and good old-fashioned medicine, we have to deal within the constraints of what we've got...and that's simply, WEIGHING THE BENEFITS VS THE RISKS.
I do not recommend the same medication for the same disease to every person. I take into account many things, age, presentation, other medications, vitals, previous treatments, compliance, cost, labwork, etc.
Just like, I don't think there is one solution that works for every single family or teacher. This is a novel virus with bizarre and wide-ranging presentations. From asymptomatic to deadly. The spread isn't fully understood yet (but in my vast researching, my personal hypothesis is that a person is highly infectious for only a very short period - possibly less than 24 hours - but during that time they can get to a lot of people. It's really the only thing that makes sense...but I digress). You are absolutely allowed to be scared, nervous, and make the decisions you deem right for you and your family.
I'm tempted here, to go into a long drawn out explanation of the numbers. The stats. The facts. The COVID numbers vs flu, vs car accidents, vs suicides, vs all of it!! But in the ever so wise words of my husband, "facts don't change minds". And, my goal here (if I have one...I think that ship sailed about 17 paragraphs {ramblings} ago) is not to change anyone's mind, but more to urge you to use it. Use your own brain. Please, stop being convinced by one-sided, dramatic, click-bait media. Take a deep breath and look at what you really think/want/believe for your own family.
We all have some really hard choices to make.
At some point, people need to be accountable and responsible for themselves. I have not seen my own father for 6 months. He is physically distancing and taking all the precautions. Benefits vs Risks. He weighed his own. He's retirement age at nearly 70 with a history of cancer, among other health issues. He misses us and we him. We usually spend time at the farm and lake together. He knows he has done his best to stay safe and healthy, and that's about all we can hope for...the rest is up to fate.
At some point, people need to be accountable and responsible for themselves. I have not seen my own father for 6 months. He is physically distancing and taking all the precautions. Benefits vs Risks. He weighed his own. He's retirement age at nearly 70 with a history of cancer, among other health issues. He misses us and we him. We usually spend time at the farm and lake together. He knows he has done his best to stay safe and healthy, and that's about all we can hope for...the rest is up to fate.
If you need your kids home to feel safe. Keep them there. If you have the opportunity to teach remotely or take the year off the job, then do it. (This is a personal decision, we all had to make. Anyone in the public, essential, front line has had to make this difficult decision, keep my same income? Or find an alternative? What's the benefit of keeping this job vs the risks?) These options exist!! But steadily, the other option, that is so needed for so many, of sending your young children somewhere for care and education is slipping away. These people don't even get a choice.
Sigh.
Now to quote my even more wise 11 year old: I hate COVID 19.
