Wednesday, September 18, 2013

All the things...

There are a lot of things I want to say, like as a Facebook status, but don't, because I know everyone is tired of pregnancy and children posts...but it's my life. I am consumed by it.

Currently, 4.O never let's me forget his presence. Every time I stand from a sitting position, I questionably have to pee. Every time I stand from a lying position, I contract, and questionably have to pee. I am waddling, because it feels like my pubic bone is splitting in half. Walking has never been so difficult.  The contractions, the pain, the pressure, my back could go out any moment, my legs go numb, any number of things are preventing me from taking my little boys for nice evening stroll.  I get home, and sit down.  I force Matt to do EVERYTHING.  I am somewhat certain that I am currently disabled.

If I eat too much, or too late, or something a bit spicy, I sit up in the recliner to sleep.  Even that doesn't 100% guarantee that I won't wake up at 1am with acid reflux making me vomit.

On top of this, I am working full days.  I am masking my complete and utter misery, to appear put together, for my patients, peers and colleagues.  Why do I do this?  Because no one likes to be around a "Debbie Downer". My misery is not their misery.  I never did acquire the skill to mope. The only ones who seem to understand how I truly feel, who don't buy into my fake, friendly facade, are my immediate family members.  Guess when you live with someone for a long time, you can tell when they aren't them self anymore.

After my fourth round of nine months of pregnancy, I am not completely sure who my true "self" is anymore.  But I do know that I normally have A LOT more energy.  I like to be active, walk a lot, go to parks, take my kids places, keep my house picked up, drink coffee and eat spicy food, carry my own laundry baskets, cook dinner every so often, sleep on my back, join in my children's' games and rough housing, and more that I just can't get my brain to eek out.

At 37 weeks and 4 days, the little guy weighed in at 9lbs 9ozs on ultrasound.  So, it's really no joke that I walk around with a term size baby for at least a month longer than most people.  It's hard on a body.  Just hard.  And each pregnancy gets a weensy bit harder here at the end.  Thank goodness it is just that...the end.  What's one more week or so?  Though everyday seems to crawl by, 4.O will be here before we know it!  We should probably lock down a name or two.  Tomorrow, I might stop by Target to buy some Dreft so I can wash the newborn clothes.  I still don't know where I am going to store these clothes, but that's just details.  He really only needs blankets and diapers for the first month or so, right?

All along, I have been hoping for this baby to be 10 days September 23rd it is.  What's another 4 days?

I can do this.

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