The Fog.

In looking back through my baby book (aka, this blog) I discovered a very obvious pattern. As my post about Mitch indicates, at 8 weeks of pregnancy, I am on the brink of mental breakdown. I am not functional. I am in pure, day to day. No, minute to minute. Really, breath to breath, survival mode. In fact, for 5.O, I briefly wrote down some thoughts as I went to bed, probably around 8pm, crying on October 7th (2 days before 8 weeks).

First draft, exactly as written:
My Heart is stone.
My belly aches.
I dread sleep, but even more,
Being awake.

I should be happy.
Overjoyed. Celebrating life.
Instead I fear morning, that first
break of light.

Stay tough, smile
Put on your pleasant face.
Because come evening,
Bitterness takes it's place.

Then, it seems, I may or may not write a couple more posts,  mostly complaining, listing symptoms, feeling sorry for myself, until 11 weeks.  A light can be seen. Though I remain in the throws of first trimester symptoms, something changes. Maybe a slight increase in energy. Maybe a slight boost in the functioning of the ol' GI tract. Whatever it is, I even felt good enough to order a GRANDE latte from Starbucks today!!  I went a few weeks totally coffee-free. I am actually excited to spend Halloween with my boys tonight, in our new neighborhood. I had my first OB appointment a couple days ago, and baby had a raging, wonderfully audible heartbeat of 165.

Of course, with everything being so perfectly in line with the previous four pregnancies I can't help but assume I am gestating another fantastic O'Laughlin boy. Though, there does seem to be a spectrum, and I grade it on weight loss (I'm at 10lbs currently)...therefore, in order from most to least torturous pregnancy, the rankings are thus: Brock, 5.O, Curtis and Mitch tied, George. Curtis and Mitch nearly tied in weight as well. And body type. So, perhaps my goal of another baby under 9lbs is possible!!

Anyway, I am just glad to be approaching the end of this trimester. I am overjoyed that I have emerged from the last 5 weeks of my clinical depression. I am ecstatic to meet this guy in May. Though, I would never have picked this spacing for my children. I mean, seriously, 5 kids in 6 years is a bit nuts, I truly love it all. In the words of a 5 year old "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit."  I'm trying my best to abide.

"New Post"

For blogger, I have to click on a button "New Post" to begin writing. Never has that title been more appropriate, as it dawned on me that I have failed to mention A LOT that is new with the O'Laughlin family.

Brock started a NEW school. He is in Kindergarten at St. Ann's. His teacher is a sweet, but stern woman, Mrs. Doran. A perfect fit for Brock, I'm sure. He looks forward to school, everyday. The morning "routine" is still a bit of an issue, as he doesn't like to go anywhere "alone" and periodically insists that I dress him. Attempting to focus on eating breakfast in under 15 minutes with 3 distracting brothers around isn't exactly prime conditions, either. Basically, from 6:50-7:30am is a lot of chaos, drama, redirection, and all around madness, until we all get out the door. And don't even get me started on Tuesday's, when Curtis and George both join in the school readiness rally.

I started a NEW job. It is a private practice, Family medicine position at an outpatient clinic called Sunflower Medical Group. I work Tues-Fri. Yes, you read that correctly. I work only 4 days a week (except for limited Sat/Sun hours every 5 weeks.) I have a 2 hour lunch. I meet new, and generally, wonderful people all day. I am really happy with where I landed and the career path I have chosen.  Not sure how many people can say the same thing. Also, the office is literally 6 minutes from my current home...which brings me to my next New news.

We bought a NEW house. Or rather, a really old house. Built in 1917. It's so old, that the original deed stated that no houses under $10,000 could be built in the neighborhood. Ha. 10k!!?? It's nearer to my old stomping grounds. It's grand. It's got 5 bedrooms, and an oven/stove unit so sophisticated that I will feel wrong cooking Kraft Mac 'n Cheese on it. Like, really wrong. It is move in ready, with plenty of options for future updating. It is growing on me. I don't like that I cannot hear where everyone is, at all times. A lot of stuff is still in boxes. We need furniture, ASAP, but I like to take my time shopping for that kind of stuff. It doesn't "smell" like us yet. Tater has simply decided the house is so big, he no longer needs to come to his name OR go potty outside. Why pee in the cold wet grass when you have 5 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms, a few halls and various other locations to choose from? By the way, anyone what a new dog? Oh wait...we do!!

We have a NEW puppy. We've wanted a big dog for a while. I've tried on more than one occasion to adopt a 1-2 year old, but they were always spoken for by the time I get to the clinic or get a hold of the agency. While in the Ozarks this Summer, I thought, why not check out these shelters, they are probably less "picked over" than the ones in KC. Sure enough, puppies everywhere! We got her back in July, while I was still off work, really no better time then that to potty-train. So our "Heinz 57" mix, Berry, it is. She is incredibly sweet. She is relatively intelligent. Most importantly, she is patient with the boys and eats all their scraps!! It doesn't seem right to have a house full of boys, and no dog to "wrestle" with from time to time.

Lastly, our most recent, and shocking addition, a NEW baby. 5.O coming in May. Everyone seems to think we did this on purpose. Started a new job, moved, got a puppy, then decided to have our 5th kid in less than 6.5 years...NO ONE would choose to do that. Nobody. I mean, not even a looney person. I am no ashamed to admit that this child was a complete and utter shock. We had taken pretty extreme preventative measures to avoid a 5th one (at this time...that extreme measure would probably have been removed in the next year or so), but these things do fail at times. Or simply, disappear, in my case. Though I am the sickest I have been, since maybe Brock, and down about 10lbs due to severe exhaustion and nausea, I am still excited {in denial} about the arrival of number 5. How could you not be? I love me some adorable baby boys!

So, if you need me, I'll be at work, carpooling some kids, cleaning up dog excrement, vomiting, changing diapers, doing laundry, or, what I wish I could do for 90% of the day, lately, sleeping.

Every Minute of Every Day. #firstworldproblems

Close your eyes. Concentrate really hard. Even if you have no experience in these matters, I want you to try and imagine having 4 kids.

Imagine having 4 kids, under the age of 5.

Imagine having 4 kids, under the age of 5 and working full time.

Imagine having 4 kids, under the age of 5, working full time, with a spouse that works full time.

Imagine having 4 kids, under the age of 5, working full time, with a spouse that works full time, and 2 dogs and a cat.

Imagine having 4 kids, under the age of 5, working full time, with a spouse that works full time, 2 dogs, a cat and trying to pack a house.

Imagine having 4 kids, under the age of 5, working full time, with a spouse that works full time, 2 dogs, a cat, trying to pack a house and still feed all the children and get them to school on time.

Imagine having 4 kids, under the age of 5, working full time, with a spouse that works full time, 2 dogs, a cat, trying to pack a house, feeding all the children and getting them to school on time, and your nanny going into labor early, so you have to scramble to find care for a week.

Imagine having 4 kids, under the age of 5, working full time, with a spouse that works full time, 2 dogs, a cat, trying to pack a house, feeding all the children and getting them to school on time, your nanny going into labor early, so you have to scramble to find care for the same week that you are physically moving to a new house.

Imagine having 4 kids, under the age of 5, working full time, with a spouse that works full time, 2 dogs, a cat, trying to pack a house, feeding all the children and getting them to school on time, your nanny going into labor early, so you have to scramble to find care for the same week that you are physically moving to a new house, then getting in the new house, and your spouse spending all his time preparing the old house for the market, so you are left trying to make the new house functional, all while still providing for and nourishing your 4 children, as well as orientating new sitters to your kids and dysfunctional home, and begging close friends and family for constant help.

On top of all of this. Imagine, if you will, doing all of this while basically having flu-like symptoms of exhaustion and constant, severe nausea 24/7. (AKA: pregnancy).