Monday, February 2, 2015

Freedom at 30 Degrees.

I felt like during residency, despite working up to 100 hours a week, I always managed to get outside with the boys. Go to the zoo. The pool. The park. Play in the snow. Ride bikes. Walk to Starbucks. Everyday, I was off of work, seemed to be a playday. Now, that I work roughly 35-50 hours a week, just depending on my Urgent care shifts, I feel more bogged down than ever. I have up to 3 days off a week, and they just zoom by, before I know it, we're brushing teeth and going to bed.
I've thought about it, and mostly, this change is because of our move. We doubled our house size, and have 4 children. On my days off, I feel obligated to unpack, at the very least, 1 box. Not to mention, laundry and dishes still exist. Furniture does not just appear at our doorstep. I spend hours and hours shopping, which is something I did not do before (despite what Matt might think.) To put it bluntly, I feel trapped. Trapped inside the house everyday. Going outside in the snow means getting out all the Winter gear (that I have just recently even unpacked and found a place for in the house), changing clothes (more laundry), cleaning snow covered floors when they come back in, and reorganizing all the gear! I hate that this is my new mentality. Doing ANYTHING that {in my mind} makes us take a step backward in the home organization, gets almost automatically rejected. This simply, is NOT me. And I don't like it.

Now, I cannot pin it 100% on the house, probably more like 85%. The other 15% includes Brock being in Kindergarten and going to school everyday, with assignments. The other 2 are in school as well. It is Winter, which inherently traps us in the house due to nature. I am pregnant, which inherently makes me lazy, or, less motivated, however you want to word it. Lastly, there is this weird part of me that suddenly becomes less productive when I have more time. In residency, a day off was NOT to be wasted in anyway. I packed everything into that day, humanly possible. Now, I can feel a little bit of that "there is always tomorrow" attitude creeping in on me. Again, that could all be due to tends to do that to me. This year has brought many changes, and they all seem to force me inside.
Well. Yesterday. I overcame my dread of the Winter clothing. The mess it would make. The productive hours it would suck up (it helped that Matt offered to make dinner and put away the groceries and be my extension of productivity inside the house.) after several meltdowns about boots being uncomfortable, gloves not fitting right, and various other clothing "catastrophes" as well as multiple threats that we are "no longer going outside", we did it!! We walked out the front door with the intention to build a snowman. Something I have never done, on my own, with the boys. 
The snow turned out to be too frozen, beady, crunchy, whatever consistency, not compatible with snowman building. Alas, perfect for sledding. We ran, slid, got thrown off the sled, climbed walls, and enjoyed the crisp snowy evening. Now, THIS. This is me. Free. Spontaneous. Fun. Engaged. It felt really good to be outside with my boys. I am refreshed and inspired. This is exactly what I needed.
We finished outdoors, undressed, and walked into a warm home. Filled with the smell of a fresh pot of chili on the stove. And my little, bed-headed baby up from his nap, smiling and happy to see us back home. Yes, next to the front door, is a large stack of various boxes and items that need to be carried to the basement (which needs to be organized, but so does the garage - which to do first!?) And now there is a pile of wet, snowy clothing. And a really messy kitchen, because, well, you need every utensil to cook chili, right!? But there are also 4-5 really happy boys, and one glowing, a bit sore, and extremely satisfied momma.

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