Monday, June 15, 2015



I am going to be honest. You weren't supposed to be so wonderful, and perfect, and beautiful, and {dare I say it??} easy. I needed you to do something that would make me not want to EVER even CONSIDER having another child, whatsoever. You tried during the pregnancy. I think I was in "early labor" for 4-5 days. Having managed and delivered a lot of obstetric patients myself, I could never understand why a woman would come into triage day after day, insisting she was contracting, in labor, in pain and extremely uncomfortable when she really "wasn't" (no cervical change).  Now I know. And had I not been trained in the medical field, with lots of obstetrical experience both as a doctor and a patient, I would have been one of those women. It was rough. Stand up - contraction. Sit down - contraction. Roll to my side - contraction. Think about contractions - contraction. I could hardly stand for more than 3 minutes at a time. I could hardly sit for more than 10 minutes at a time. Sleep? Hahahahahaha.  You did your darnedest to make those last few weeks so awful, that the thought of ever doing it again was pretty much gone.

Then, I went to see my doctor on Mother's day (11 days early) around noon, maybe 1pm. I was already dilated to a 3cm, which has never, ever happened before being in "actual labor". My OB was certain, that with a 5th child, and how my previous deliveries have gone, that I would simply go from a 4 to 10 in no time. So, to the hospital I went, due to "spontaneous rupture of membranes" (my water "broke"). Then we waited. And waited. And waited. The contractions never got closer than 10 minutes, and never got painful enough. We started the pitocin a bit before 4pm. They quickly became frequent, but still not strong. By 6pm, maybe 7pm, I finally had a few contractions that made me willing to get that dreaded epidural. I've really never had a bad experience with the epidural, in fact, they always work sooo well, that the actual epidural is the most uncomfortable part of labor and delivery for me. This epidural was no different. Before I got this epidural, I was still 4 cm. No progress. I was freaking're heart rate was dropping with each contraction (likely due to the cord around your neck) but this makes nurses uncomfortable, and unwilling to turn up pitocin. I texted my OB these concerns: that I will not progress because the contractions aren't strong enough and no one will turn up the pit. Her response? "It's typical of 3rd or more babies...I think she will be here soon...4 to complete then BAM!!" The plan was to let me rest with the epidural for a few hours and check again at 9:30pm. In the interim, my mom and sister showed up to visit. I didn't mind their presence, but was annoyed that I'd be having a baby at 4am and felt they had really jumped the gun in arriving. I was sure they'd now have to be here all night.

By 8:00pm or so, I kicked them out of the room to take a little nap...which I did. Sort of. I very soon began to feel slightly nauseous. And a bit after 9pm, I was awoken by a REALLY strong contraction, that actually hurt through the epidural. I looked at the moniter, and you did NOT like that contraction either. Your heart rate was in the 60's. Crap. No one is going to like that. They are going to turn off the pitocin. I am going to stall in labor. Oh my gosh. We are headed to c-section town. Sure enough, 2 nurses, and THE DOCTOR (never a good sign) come "calmly" walking in...I was already trying to turn myself to make baby "happier". I start to again voice my concerns to my OB, and she says, "Oh, you're probably just complete and baby dropped really fast." I laughed. Yeah right. I have never progressed that fast.
MAY 10TH, 2015 at 10:02PM

Sure enough, she checks and asks if I want to start pushing. What!? Call the grandparents. Get Leah in here (she was going to hang out for the birth). I was stunned. Simply stunned. And not really ready to push. And anxious to meet my baby, but in disbelief it was really happening. Before I knew it, I was pushing, you were coming out, and I almost lost consciousness! I totally missed the delivery, next thing I knew, you were all purple, and floppy and on my chest, and adorable, and looked momentarily, just like Mitch.  You were not the rigorous, flailing, strong newborn I was accustomed to, I was trying to rub and stimulate you to cry a bit and "tone up". You had lots of fluid (bloody) coming out of your I suggested suctioning. No one heard (or maybe just ignored me.) I said it again, trying to give you to the baby nurse, but they like to give baby immediate tummy time (which I LOVE, but not when I can tell it needs some fluid taken out of the lungs/belly). Finally, it was probably 90 seconds, they took over and continued to try to stimulate you...from afar, all I see is George in your little features and huge cheeks. And then they suctioned a good amount of fluid. You pinked up, toned up, cried a bit and came back to mommy more than happy to begin nursing {and never stop}. And now, you remind me exactly of Curtis.

My recovery with you was by far the easiest. You were only 8lbs 5 oz, in contrast to your brother George who was 10lbs 7oz!! I have been up, walking, playing with your brothers, continuing to try to organize the house and various other things since our release from Shawnee Mission Med Center. Our little stay in the hospital felt like a mini-vacation, with all of our favorite people visiting, in and out of our little room. You sleep like a champ. Better than any of your brothers, and Curtis gave you some stiff competition. Honestly, I am still in disbelief. I am finishing up the final edits here at 5 weeks, and despite my being sure "the ball will drop" so to speak, and you will become fussy and inconsolable, it hasn't. I take a picture of you almost every morning. Your beauty and perfection, and calm newborness, is irresistibly wonderful. The way you breath, take comfort in my voice, smell, and warmth fills my heart to a breaking point. To say my cup spilleth over is a gross underestimation. My cup is a fountain, or waterfall even. You smile, you have been since about 3 weeks, and as Matt put it, you have "happy eyes". You are so patient, and happy, and maybe the sweetest little babe that has ever existed in all of time. Simply, THE BEST, Mother's day gift I have ever, and will ever, receive. If you are my last, thank you for ending my reproduction career on such a high note. Thank you for earning all the doting that you will surely receive for the rest of your life, baby girl, Di-eena.

Welcome to this crazy home, to your many brothers, and to this incredible thing called life. We hope you enjoy it all.

With the greatest of all love,

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