The Goal gets all the Glory. But what about the assist?

Seemingly out of the blue, Curtis says to me, "Mom, what's an insist?" I pondered for a moment, trying to guess at what he could possibly be asking. Umm, I don't know. Maybe the thing I do all day, everyday to my children? Insist they get dressed. Insist they sit down. Insist they pick up. Insist they listen. Insist they stop picking their nose. Insist they play outside on nice days. Insist they not play in the mud outside. Insist they sit to eat at the table. Insist they behave like reasonable humans!?? Great. Now, I'm mad.

"Curtis, honey, why don't you give me an example of what you mean?" Phew. Saved that one.

"You know, like when I throw in the ball or kick it in soccer and get an Insist. People keep telling me I'm really good at insists."

Oh. You mean Assist.

I went on to explain that an assist in soccer is a play where your actions led directly to a goal scored. This means, that though you didn't make the actual goal, it could not have happened without your help. My little soccer-loving boy beamed with pride. His natural position seems to be midfield, which means, he will likely have a lifetime of assists, with very few goals. And, at age 7, it might be too early to tell, but I could venture a very solid educated guess that this may be the story of his life. Though he is absolutely my most competitive child when it comes to sports and games, he is my most thoughtful, self-sacrificing and helpful child when it comes to everything else. Curtis is at his happiest when he is assisting and making happy those he loves. It's beautiful.

I happen to be extremely close to another human, very much like this. This human would be Curtis' father, otherwise known as my husband. Matt.

Seven weeks ago, when I became disabled via Achilles rupture, Matt, without hesitation assumed the role of caretaker, home-maker and continued to go to work full-time. But I could tell, his heart belonged with me. If he were forced to choose one thing in that moment, it would have been helping me get well. Assisting.

I hated putting him in this position. Though, it's well known, I'm here for the glory...I also like to give credit where credit is due. Great teammates can make an assist feel just as important as the goal. Teamwork, it's beautiful. 

That's the bummer of it though. It seems only those closest can see it. The assist position lacks validation. People only asked Matt how I was doing - never checking in on him. The true bearer of all the repercussions. Our 5 kids were ages 3 thru 9, and with my immobility, I effectively became a 6th child twin to the 3 year old. I couldn't even shower on my own. 

When Curtis talks of soccer, people typically ask, "Did you score a goal?" And he has to say no. And a little piece of him feels less than. And he gets that message over and over and over from the outsiders. And I just want him to know that giving the assist, helping the team achieve their goal, is absolutely, one of the greatest things a human can do. He can look to his father and see a man who has achieved an incredible career. A happy marriage. And 5 beautiful children. 

Honestly, when you look at it like that...it seems like maybe it's actually the assist gets all the glory. 

-Written May 2018.