Begin rant.
For the last year, I've tried so so so unbelievably hard to remain PC (if that's even a thing anymore). Supportive. Make lemonade out of lemons. Urge people along to follow "guidelines" (despite feeling these guidelines were poorly constructed, short-sighted and even inappropriate and devastating at times).
I'm losing patience.
After a year of consoling patient after patient, slowly crumbling from the anxieties of this pandemic, I can't help but get increasingly bitter.
This vaccine roll out, has really put me over the edge. And, probably not in the way you think.
I'm not bothered by the lack of organization, the inherent chaos, the bottle-necking, the wasting of vaccines and the inability to get this vaccine out to our most vulnerable. I KNEW this would be the case. If you are shocked, at all, by how the distribution of this vaccine has gone, then you are truly lying to yourself daily about our country, this government and the world really (because, I guarantee you, no country has gotten anything "perfect")...which is what brings me to my true beef: humans.
I 100% agree with this tiered system. The absolute first people to get this vaccine should be every FRONTLINE health care worker and any human employed at, caretaking for or living in a long term care facility. I capitalize FRONTLINE, because I do not view anyone in controlled outpatient settings, the subspecialties, the chiropractors, the physical therapists, etc as "frontline". They're close, very close, and should be top of next tier (along with teachers), but they are not the ones directly treating known positives, they are not the ones potentially getting it nor spreading it at the rate of those working inpatient in the hospital.
This vaccine, and the subsequent recommendations on distribution rolled out, and suddenly everyone is clambering for it. Do I qualify? Can I get it? How do I skirt the system? The most oft cited slogan I've heard to justify this behavior has been the "You put your oxygen mask on first, then you help those that may not know how." And for some, I believe that to be true. I'm on forums full of selfless, bleeding heart primary care physicians who all begged to give their dose to one of their patient's that they knew needed it much more than they.
You see, despite the rhetoric out there, that this "virus doesn't discriminate". "Healthy people get it too." It does discriminate. It still very much does. There are clear groups of people that are more devastated by this pandemic than other groups. And it doesn't take much research or even much more than simple observation to figure out who these groups are. But, in case you struggle on this front, I'll list some groups for you: minorities, wage workers, unemployed, morbidly obese, those over 65, the uninsured, the homeless.
I'm going to let you in on something that should be obvious, but I'm no longer sure it is: I am not one of those groups - and I'm willing to bet, if you are reading this, neither are you.
I'm 38. I'm in (what I consider to be) excellent health. I have top of the line health care benefits, as do my children and husband. I recently had Covid, and as we statistically expected I would, I had a mild case and full recovery. I work in an outpatient environment, surrounded by healthy, fully insured co-workers, and mostly "healthy", insured patients. My patients are "healthy" because, they ARE SEEING A DOCTOR. They have healthcare. They may have diabetes, high blood pressure, autoimmune disorders, so on and so forth, but we are MANAGING THEM!!!
For me to have taken a vaccine in the past 2 months would not be putting my oxygen mask on first. For me to take a vaccine would be more likened to grabbing a parachute and jumping out of the plane before I even asked if there were enough for everyone on the flight.
In more plain, and potentially triggering terms. It would be selfish.
That's my beef. The answer for so many, is simply to get this vaccine. To finally get a pacifier to stop all the crying about the virus. How scary it is. How it's interrupted life. Made you stay home, and not travel, or see friends or family or loved ones. How it's increased anxiety and depression and suicides to an all time high. How devastating it is in every sector. How horrible other people are because they have flown on a plane. Or eaten indoors. Or hung out with friends. That we are infringing on rights by requiring reasonable protocols (such as masking, distancing, etc) How horrible our government is, and how they botched EVERYTHING. Give me, give me, give me, give me. Take. Take. Take. Take.
Where is the accountability? I'm not talking big scale accountability. I'm talk small. Really small. I'm talking about YOUR accountability? Are you getting a full 8 hours of sleep? Are you eating well? Drinking well? Exercising? Caring for your mental and physical health? Putting yourself in the best position possible to beat this enemy? THIS is putting on your oxygen mask first. Or are you sitting around and asking someone else to do this for you? Biding your time, holed up in your home, waiting for someone to give you a handout so you can grab that parachute and hop right out of this godforsaken airplane of a pandemic?
Besides the islands (which are playing a whole different game) the most successful countries at combatting this virus also happen to have the lowest BMI average. They have universal healthcare (I'm not getting into a debate here either, I don't mind some healthy competition/capitalism, I'm just pointing out some commonalities). And more intrusive governments.
The opportunities for you, personally, to reduce the devastation of this pandemic have been at your fingertips this entire time. And you either chose to use those fingertips to point at others. Or you made the best of it, did your part, assessed your own risk levels as well as risk tolerance, followed appropriate guidelines, supported who and whatever you could and continue to patiently wait until your turn for a parachute comes up.
I know, I know, I can hear the counter argument now. 'What else were we supposed to do? We could get or spread the virus.' 'Some people don't believe the virus exists'. And, yes, in many ways these are valid concerns, thoughts, statements. Everyone could not go parading on as if there were no virus, but some of us HAD to and HAVE to still. And those of us who have the age, health and means on our side should have done this, as we are the lowest risk group. We would likely survive an exposure (from those behaving as if no pandemic), and we potentially have the knowledge to identify highest vs lowest risk of exposures and navigate this smartly. Were there and will there be casualties along the way? Absolutely, it's a pandemic! In the time of hunting and gathering, the strongest always went out and faced the dangers of the elements - the weather, the predators, the terrain. Did we send out our strongest? Or did we sacrifice the "little guy"?? Had we sent only our strongest, would our numbers be as stark and devastating?
I want to clarify, I don't think I've done it all "right". I've made missteps along the way. To err is human. But I happily went to work everyday, trudging through the unknowns, to care for people. Though I probably interacted with more people than some feel "safe", I limited my encounters with others by the thousands. (Easiest example I will use is last year, between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I hosted or attended 17. SEVENTEEN holiday parties with more than 20+ people in a small indoor space, sharing food. I saw part of a few of the sides of my family this year). I wear a mask everywhere, with zero complaint. I did not fly anywhere until I felt I was in the safest place possible in regards to immunity. All of my decisions were fully informed, with intention and also with the knowledge that I have testing available as well as deeper knowledge about disease and it's spread than the general population.
I have no doubt, we are finally on the right path. That things will truly look up from here in many, many ways. I am so thankful for this. But, I fear that we might have gone through this whole entire pandemic, slaves to media and propaganda, and never really learning anything for ourselves. Or looking inside and asking yourself, really, really asking in a very deep and complicated way, am I part of the problem? Or part of the solution?
To me, there were no simple solutions. No simple decisions. No one human, family, household that is alike. We all have and had very different roles in society, in this pandemic. Embracing our role, performing it to the best of our ability and supporting those from all walks of life is never the wrong decision. And as we see our herd immunity ever expanding, we need to be more understanding than ever, that all are not equal.
End rant.
Epilogue: In 30 days, I do have a decision to make about this vaccine. And because of my line of work, it is considered an oxygen mask type scenario. I don't want to be spreading virus - though, that's the biggest bugger of them all - supposedly, this vaccine ONLY protects me anyway. And doesn't actually decreased my ability to spread it...??? Soooo that's like a whole other rant in and of itself!!! Heaven forbid we get vaccinated and go to a restaurant or retail store, you know, to start supporting our local hurting economy - and by economy, I mean other humans trying to make a living. All of this makes me want to give my dose away to someone who really needs it EVEN MORE!! Argh!
