I think I have gotten all the useful mileage out of this personality and would like to trade it in for the B model. I decided this is the only plausible way to achieve all my goals and desires in life; seeing as there are never going to be 33 hours in a day and 10 days in a week.
Perhaps, having a child was the slap in the face that made me realize, time does not slow down. In fact, as the years progress, it is quite the opposite. Nothing will make the days pass faster than a newborn, before you know it, they are walking and having their first birthday. I have to start planning a 1st birthday, and I haven't even finished my wedding photo proof album that I insisted on hand-making by using the left over programs and invites from almost 3 years ago! Simple solution: buy an prefabricated album, you know, the ones with the clear pockets that the photos slide right into? But what is there to be proud of then? Can one really show off their once in a lifetime wedding photos in some run-of-the-mill album and feel OK about that? Yes they can, and that is NORMAL.
There are so many flaws in this personality-type. I want everything done a certain way; my way. And the only way to do something my way is for me to do it. But because I want to do EVERYTHING there is no possible way for me to do it! Ok, so this is getting a bit abstract. For example, I want to needlepoint a stocking for Matt and one for Brock. I am not even halfway with Matt's and I have probably put in 80+ hours working on it in the last 3 years. You do the math (pretty sure I will be finished birthing children by the time I even begin Brock's at this rate). I want to swim with masters, play on an intramural indoor soccer team and golf regularly. I have momentary panic attacks about the fact that I have not scrupulously scrapbooked for every minute event in my life. I get anxious when a year goes by and I have not seen all the newly released movies on my list, how will I ever catch up? I hate a dirty house. I want to plant a garden. I love becoming a physician. I love playing with Brock. I love being a suburban housewife, and I love having my own career. I want 5 children. I want to give my 5 children every opportunity, and be there with them when they take advantage of it. I enjoy pets, and would easily have a menagerie if the time, money and space were available. I love to travel and have a definite list of places I must see before I lose the energy to go across oceans (New Zealand, Greece, Italy, Moscow). I adore my friends and family. I sincerely try to attend every wedding, shower, birthday, party or get together and enjoy these celebrations. I also love having a quiet evening with the hubby. Or an evening of board games (though the fact that I MUST WIN creates some anxiety). I love being in shape, and reading, and having a home-cooked meal.
The list could go on, and these are things I already do in some shape or form. To add to all this, there are many things I still want to learn how to do, and I must be able to do them amazingly or there is no point in attempting: how to sew, how to french braid beautifully, how to write, how to play bridge, how to play the piano proficiently, how to carve a pumpkin, how to tile a bathroom, and I will think of more, just give me a moment...
So, there, you see why the only solution is to trade in the current model, and get one that is satisfied with things as they are, plus maybe a few attainable goals. Doesn't that sound just simple and lovely?
Monday, September 14, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
A Brief, Free Moment...
Aha! I have captured a moment to continue with my real passion: blogging.
On September 1st I began my first clinical rotation in Internal Medicine. I have probably learned more in these last 7 days of working than I did in 7 months of classes. Or, perhaps learn isn't the correct description; my competence/confidence level has increased exponentially. My preceptor is a Hospitalist, so I spend my entire day rounding North Kansas City Hospital. Today was "short call" so I am home by 3:30p. Most days are "long call" and those are the 11-15 hour days - depending on the action in the ER. I love it. I finally see why I suffered through those first 2 years of agonizing classroom work. I have a feeling I will love every single specialty I experience; I am a sponge.
My only complaint, which I doubt comes as a surprise, is time away from family. I see Brock for 2 hours, if I am lucky, on "long call" days. This is not sufficient. I forget what he looks like by then end of that 12 hour shift, and babies can change so much in one day, perhaps I am not imagining it. Perhaps he really does look different.
Brock turned 9 months on the last day of our vacation. He lost a pound or 2 while traveling and thus went down in percentile for height and weight. I think he is back to that 70% range. Don't worry though, I have been doing nothing but fattening him up for the last few weeks, and he is happy. No walking yet. He can walk with just about any sort of assistance, but will not attempt it on his own. He stands freely, but will not take a step forward, he just eventually squats down and crawls. He can make it to the top of the stairs in less than 10 seconds (yes, I timed him...) He loves the Tupperware cabinet, but prefers the dishwasher. And probably my favorite trend for now: shaking his head "no". For example: if Brock is standing on the bed, under this painting we have hanging within reach, he will start to grab for it, but then realize we have repeatedly told him "no!" and hesitate, then start shaking his own head "no". So cute. You can see his entire thought process: Ooooohh, I want to touch that! Wait, something happens everytime I touch that...oh yeah, that's right, my parents yell "no" everytime I reach for it, so "no".
Congrats to Molly and Troy Oller! August 28th, 2009.
Got to love Kansas City Irish Fest! Labor day weekend. Felt like we were back in Ireland, on vacation (ha). Wish I would have bought Brock a mini Kilt...
On September 1st I began my first clinical rotation in Internal Medicine. I have probably learned more in these last 7 days of working than I did in 7 months of classes. Or, perhaps learn isn't the correct description; my competence/confidence level has increased exponentially. My preceptor is a Hospitalist, so I spend my entire day rounding North Kansas City Hospital. Today was "short call" so I am home by 3:30p. Most days are "long call" and those are the 11-15 hour days - depending on the action in the ER. I love it. I finally see why I suffered through those first 2 years of agonizing classroom work. I have a feeling I will love every single specialty I experience; I am a sponge.
My only complaint, which I doubt comes as a surprise, is time away from family. I see Brock for 2 hours, if I am lucky, on "long call" days. This is not sufficient. I forget what he looks like by then end of that 12 hour shift, and babies can change so much in one day, perhaps I am not imagining it. Perhaps he really does look different.
Brock turned 9 months on the last day of our vacation. He lost a pound or 2 while traveling and thus went down in percentile for height and weight. I think he is back to that 70% range. Don't worry though, I have been doing nothing but fattening him up for the last few weeks, and he is happy. No walking yet. He can walk with just about any sort of assistance, but will not attempt it on his own. He stands freely, but will not take a step forward, he just eventually squats down and crawls. He can make it to the top of the stairs in less than 10 seconds (yes, I timed him...) He loves the Tupperware cabinet, but prefers the dishwasher. And probably my favorite trend for now: shaking his head "no". For example: if Brock is standing on the bed, under this painting we have hanging within reach, he will start to grab for it, but then realize we have repeatedly told him "no!" and hesitate, then start shaking his own head "no". So cute. You can see his entire thought process: Ooooohh, I want to touch that! Wait, something happens everytime I touch that...oh yeah, that's right, my parents yell "no" everytime I reach for it, so "no".
Congrats to Molly and Troy Oller! August 28th, 2009.
Got to love Kansas City Irish Fest! Labor day weekend. Felt like we were back in Ireland, on vacation (ha). Wish I would have bought Brock a mini Kilt...
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