Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Gender: Two ways about it.

In my extremely limited pregnancy experience, I have found there are simply two types of people. The type that really, passionately cares about gender, and generally feels that a "mixed" family is optimal, in fact, the ONLY way to to have a family. Or, the type that simply does not care, will not only, "make do" with what they have, but, perhaps even enjoy it! I whole-heartedly feel I am of the latter camp. How I came to this conclusion is simple. People, without hesitation, very much feel it is OK to voice their hopes, projections, ideals, theories and opinions on gender to any visibly pregnant woman. Especially one that already has a kid. And MOST especially one that already has MORE than one kid of the SAME gender {gasp}.

As I had one. Then two. Then three. Then four boys. I have gotten years, and years of: "maybe this is your girl!" "Going for that girl?" "Don't give up, you will have a girl someday." Always, assuming I want a girl. Maybe I had one and didn't want it, so I gave it up for adoption!? I mean, that sounds totally asinine and insane, and likely not common in America, anyway, but it's happened. Historically, it happened a lot in certain parts of the world. I never knew what to say to these speculations and comments. "You get what you get." That's really the only valid response. Otherwise, I would have to launch into a whole explanation about how I am the happiest mom in the world. And another little boy would make my world a whole person happier! They are cute, and healthy, and stinky, and lovable. So, no, I just don't care about gender. I can't.

As this discussion became more and more commonplace among my mother friends, I found that it didn't really matter what combination of children you have, you still get comments. If you have one of each, you get things such as, "You're so lucky, one of each." "Two and done." And even questioning comments when pregnant with a third, like, "Having a third? But you already have one of each." The nerve!!! Can you believe that woman? Selfishly having a third child when she already has America's dream family!!? That's just greedy. Unbelievable. As if it's ok and completely understandable to have a Duggar-size family if you have 11 girls, and are going for a boy. But heaven forbid you have one of each child and go for a third. Just because. Because what!? You wanted 3 kids!? Who WANTS 3 kids if you can get away with only 2?

Then, the opposite blows my mind. The people that might have stopped at 2 or 3 kids, but did go on to have another, purely "going for" the opposite gender. I guess we all have our reasons. I'm not really sure what my reason is for having 5 kids, beyond that I love them. They are healthy. I'm young. I love my husband. We seem to have the means, the personalities, the patience, the support. Procreation is necessary for our society to continue. Maybe having 5 kids is selfish, taking up more space then my genome is allotted. Maybe it isn't. All I know, is that I love kids of all kinds, and genders, and persuasions. A family is what you make it. Every child has their own unique personality, and gender does not change this. So who cares!?

Yes, I am having a girl after four boys. No, the fact that she is a girl is not the answer to all my hopes and wishes, and dreams. Yes, simply having a 5th child made me the happiest woman on earth. Yes, I am ecstatic and have already bought too many clothes. If she happens to be the last, it's not because she was a girl, but because that is the point at which our family became complete. I guess, what I am saying is, 1. stop intruding with weird, unsolicited opinions on gender, 2. You get what you get and 3. Just love whatever combo that is.


Eclypto said...

Haha. I suppose people always have to comment in some way. I like the process of you making the judgement on those comments and then posting to a blog.

I guess everyone has their complexes. Judge this comment. Give me one of your kids!

Anonymous said...

I just think its awesome there's going to be a mini Erin!


Anonymous said...

But seriously, thank GOD you are having a girl. Finally! ;)