Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Shitty's Summer

So, while gazing thru old emails I came across this one from Summer 2003:

I'd like to talk about the more interesting issue at family's grand total for losses this Summer (in the monitary value) is over 10,000 big ones!

So, I get a call from my mom one morning in July, only to find out Nora's car was stolen from out the driveway. It's a bright purple Mitsubishi Galant, the we've been cursing since the day it was brought home by my (hopefully, heavily drugged while she was purchasing the ugly POS) mother. It runs fine, you'd just have to see it to understand. I mean, I'm not sure about you guys, but I think leaving a set of spare keys in the center compartment of an unlocked car is not a good idea...I mean correct me if I'm wrong.

A few weeks later, I got the even more unfortunate news, and that was that the car had been returned in fine form, only missing, perhaps the most valuable part of it, the stereo and speakers.

Next, the same sister, Nora, is on vacation with my brothers in Minnesota. Her car gets broken into, again, and all 600 of her CD's are stolen. Timothy's Game Cube, and a few games were part of the bounty as well. Needless to say this cuts their vacation short, she comes home. The very next day she goes to the gym, and her purse gets stolen. Along with the purse was $500 cash, the face to her new CD player, and her cell phone.

So after all of this, we all think it's safe to assume are troubles are over. Well, at Nationals, my mom gets a call from her mom, and my great aunt (who was 90) died. Expected, but sad all the same. We drive to New York, thinking now our troubles have really ended. And then, a cop pulls us over and to give a woman from Missouri, a $250 ticket for answering her cell phone while the hell were we supposed to know not to do that! Really, I did not even know at that point that places had out-lawed cell phone usage in a motor vehicle! Ass. And to top it all off, all the hotels were full, so we stayed in one of those nasty motels they use in horror flicks. (Soap left in the shower from the tenents before, pubic hair, holey sheets, and I swear there was blood on the wall.)

Finally, I am home in Kansas City, safely, and sure it's over. So, yesterday, the phone rings at 8:00 am. My dad has just called to inform us that his car, which was parked in the lot at his shop, as it is everyday of every year, has been completely totalled. It was smashed up against the building by some crazy driver.

I guess, as of today, it's all over...that's the "Smith Zoo" for ya.

P.S. I left out a few things, like Leah's bracelet from Tiffany's got stolen out of her purse; my cousin, married for one year is getting a divorce, and my mom got a parking ticket while in Maryland. But don't worry, nothing has happened to my brothers because they're such lazy bums they never left the house.


Helen E said...

Was this email written to me? I seriously feel like I've read it before....

Ermasmit said...

I sent it to multiple people.