Monday, June 4, 2012

Fat and Happy.

And no, I am not talking about Curtis.

Today, I think I realized I must remain fat, to be happy.  This is the first time in a long time, possibly ever, during residency, that I just felt defeated.  I didn't want to be there.  I felt scrambled all day. I didn't get all my work done. I have 3 presentations to give this month and boards to take, while working 10 hour days and taking care of three children.  I have already taken 2 vacation days this month, and had to spend 5 hours of each of those days catching up on WORK!  Plus studying. Great vacation.  And this day just so happened to coincide on the first day of my diet.  I think my brain uses way too much energy on a daily basis to cut back on calories, and my milk supply for George will probably begin to suffer.

Lately, I have also been wondering if I shouldn't get on some kind of medication for ADD or anxiety. My mind is cluttered as cluttered can be.  And running a mile a minute, or faster.  I have so many thoughts, I can't even blog anymore. I can't keep up.  And this crowding causes me to be forgetful.  Extremely forgetful.  Tonight, in Target, I went with 3 things in mind that I needed and came home with $150 worth of purchases and only 2 of those 3 things.  I often blame this on "baby brain" then "post partum hormones" now "diet"...but maybe that's just me.  Maybe I am scatter-brained.  Maybe I do have an anxiety problem, and true panic attacks.  I think my swimming trained me to manage stress to a degree, but now, as children multiply and work hours increase, I can only do so much on my own.

I don't know.  Maybe it really is just the starvation talking.  But either way, I could use a really long break. I could use a few 8 hour work days that don't have every minute occupied.  My brain needs to quit playing catch up.  Too bad,  I don't foresee that happening for a few more years.  Guess I will just have to continue to eat.

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