I arrived home in a great mood. Work was the perfect amount of busy. I got off an hour and a half early. When I stepped outside it wasn't into a brick wall of damp, hot, grossness that has been KC weather for the last 3 weeks. On my road rage-less drive home, I had time to contemplate what I might do with my extra few hours at home. I decided on two things. One, I was going to make popcorn as soon as I got home. And two, I was going to take a nice long stroll with my boys. Just the two little boys, as Matt headed to happy hour after work. And I had every intention of allowing Matt to remain at Hooper's all night if he so desired. The universe (or my ridiculously chaotic household) had a completely different set of plans in mind...
...it all started after Curtis woke up from his nap. I walked into the nursery and got hit with an unmistakable fragrance. Poop. So I changed his diaper. We played on the floor for a bit. Brock came in to join us. And what scent wafted in along with him? Poop. I didn't change him, I sent him outside to finish his business, so as not to stink up the entire house. The dogs went out with him. Curtis and I continued to play. He took nearly a dozen steps using a walker toy. I then went to check on Brock's progress.
It took some coaxing to get Brock into the house, but we did it. He came in, the puppy followed. I chased the puppy back out, because I was not convinced she had done her business. I watched her pee, she came back into the house. I wrangled Brock into the nursery to get changed on the floor. I pulled down his pants. What did I see? Poop. All around the outside of his diaper, not a lot, but it was there. I then noticed that there were 2 little spots of poop on the carpet next to me. Then I noticed there were a dozen spots on the carpet surrounding both of us. I became slightly hysterical and announced, "There is poop everywhere! How did you do this? Were you just wiping your butt all around on the floor while I was outside? What is going on?" Well, apparently, Brock was just as shocked as I was. He lifted his hand to see that he had poop on his fingers and began to dry heave and gag. He began to panic. I just carried him to the tub in absolute bewilderment. I left him to rinse off and went back into the nursery to assess the situation.
Then, I spotted it. Poop. Somehow, in the 30 seconds that the puppy got inside, she had pooped. Now, how it got spread around is beyond me. I can only guess that Brock, while running around the house, unattended, like a wild man, managed to drag some poop along with him. So, I called Matt to tell him to stop and rent a carpet cleaner on his way home. And to perhaps cut his visit short.
At this point, I have cleaned everyone up. I have spot cleaned the carpet. And I have carried the blanket the poop was on, as well as all of our clothes down to the washer and put them in to be cleaned. I started a movie for Brock. I fed Curtis. I walk back down to the basement to check on Brock. As I take the last stair step, my foot lands in a puddle. I curse to myself. "Are you f*%$ing kidding me!? She peed too!?" But as I am thinking this, I look down to see that it is not a puddle. It is a flood. Something has disconnected from the washer. There is 4 inches of water on the floor surrounding the washer and dryer. Wonderful. Seriously, wonderful. I was actually laughing as I called Matt, yet a second time, to inform him of this one. I mean, if we don't laugh we cry, right?
Matt gets home. We eat. He carpet cleans. I put the kids to bed. I write a blog post. Yup, just one of those days. They seem to be increasing in frequency as of late. Good think I enjoy chaos.
Oh, and don't worry, I did make the popcorn.