I sometimes try to remember each child as a baby. Or a little toddler. But it's really hard. I can envision snippets. I can remember emotions, and stories. But I really cannot remember each child as anyone other than who they are today. Just like your own memories. You remember them through your head as you are now, not as a little 5 year old or a high school-er. After all, it was always you. You've always had the same brain, it's just your physical appearance and size changes somewhat. Well, I do remember having to slide the kitchen chairs across the floor to climb on the counter to reach the cereal bowls...so I guess SOME memories are to scale. But not many.
Now, as he has aged a bit, I can see where this alert, busy-ness is headed. To control-freak land. He gets it from his momma. I feel bad as I watch him at his friend's bounce house birthday party. It's all too crazy, new,
unknown. He cannot loosen up and have fun. I watch Brock with his
internal struggle to let go and just be a wild, silly, fun-loving 4-year-old, yet remain in control of his surroundings and everyone in them at the same time. If this cannot be accomplished, then there is no point. It's overload, meltdown, anxiety attack time. All of this, while his little brother, who has no problem taking advantage of a fun situation, is running about, showing other kids how it's really done. No fear there. No foe either.
I observe, evaluate, hug, kiss, wrestle these boys constantly. When I am working all day, I randomly imagine one of their funny faces or humorous comments or silly actions, and I just smile. Perhaps even laugh to myself. If I think about them too much, I will miss them. Just after a couple hours away. Twelve years ago, I had this problem only with Matt. Now there are 4 boys distracting me from my day. It's a wonder I ever get anything done, besides blogging about how much I love these stinkers that had my heart since day one.