The Rodeo

It's not like this is my first go, in fact it's my fourth.  Nothing that has happened in these past 6 weeks is a surprise or unexpected. And because it's not my first rodeo, I almost feel as though I am not allowed to admit to the misery that is early pregnancy.  But alas, like the 3 before him, I am really tired.  And food is not appetizing.

Almost immediately after seeing the extra line on that pregnancy test, thus validating the symptoms I was noticing for the past week yet trying to ignore so as not to get my hopes up that I might be expecting, I think, ugh...it's only going to get worse.  What have I done!?  This thought comes only after the instant, heart-warming happiness and excitement of creating and meeting a new, wonderful family member.  Unfortunately, to deliver, hold, and raise those tiny little clones of Matt and myself, I have to go through 9 months of pregnancy.  With every passing day, I am reassured that the little peanut is doing quite well, as I try not to vomit in the grocery aisle while shopping.  Or I hit snooze 6 times. And the bloating. And the bad skin. All of this, wonderful, and grand.  In September, we will welcome Baby O #4. I just could not be happier.

Matt regularly asks me, when will this stop?  When will you not want to have another baby?  And I just have no answer, except that I already feel like the crazy lady.  At work, it's been a joke that I am always pregnant, and for real, I will have been pregnant for half of residency.  I feel kind of old this time. Like my body is getting too worn out for this. I have never been in worse physical condition, in my life!  For my own health, mental & physical, and the health of those around me, I think the end is near.  Or, at least, I can see myself having an end point.  But for now, I am ecstatic.  I am impatient to meet the little guy.  I am glowing (as much as one can in the first trimester).  And I cannot wait to share yet another O'Laughlin baby [boy, right?] journey into the world with my friends and family.