Utter Exaustion

In all my years of competitive swimming, I can not think of one moment that rivals the exhaustion I am currently experiencing. As a student on rotation at Children's Mercy, we are required to join the "Owl Team" for 5 days, or nights rather. This shift is from 6:30pm to 7:30am the next morning. I realize sleep pattern disturbances affect some more than others; but I am sure we can all remember the day after that high school lock-in or slumber party or the night(s) out in college where we thought it would be a good idea to stay up all night. You don't feel so great. No matter how many times you brush your teeth, or shower, you still don't feel right. When are you supposed to eat a real meal again? Should you push through the exhaustion and just go to bed early? Or take a long nap and hope you can fall asleep at a decent hour to get back on track?

In my current situation, I come straight home and attempt to get a full night's sleep from 8am to 4pm. After 2 attempts, I have yet to make it past 2:30pm. Thus cutting my in-order-to-function-properly, pregnancy induced requirement of 10 hours of sleep to a mere 6.5. Needless to say, I have had to take an evening off of the "Owl Team" due to not feeling so hot. A headache has become my permanent friend. My entire GI tract my permanent enemy. Though this day/night of relaxation and sleep is completely warranted, I cannot help but feel disappointed in myself. I am a firm believer in mind over matter. I like to think I can forge through any difficult situation. I am sure there have been many a resident to complete a month of Owl team in their first trimester of pregnancy. And perhaps I could have completed these 5 days without this midway break. But knowing myself, and my body, I most likely would push myself to the point of actually becoming ill. It has been so long since I felt "normal" that I must remind myself constantly that this lack of energy is not my baseline, so I am not proving anything to anyone. I do have someone else relying on my body's health and functionality these days. So for now, with the sacrifice of my pride, I surrender.

Yesterday...

...Brock turned 17 months & Baby 2.0 turned 12 weeks (in utero time).

As a 17 month-old, Brock's newest advances seem to be his language skills. He has lots to say in gibberish, but every once in a while he will surprise us with some clear, appropriately used words, such as:

Mom
Dad
Hi
Baby
Uh oh
Two (only after you say "one" - yes, he can count!)
Thank you (dut doo)
Dog (doh)
Boo
Mimi
Night-night (drop the "t's")
Bye-bye
Brock Brock Brock (baugh baugh baugh)

"Let's go fly a kite"

"up to the highest height. Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring!"

(If you don't know which song, from what movie I am referencing, you lived a sad, depraved and bordering on abusive childhood - even if you did grow up in a household of boys.)My sister and I took our boys to the Kite Festival out at Longview Lake. Though I haven't any photos of the monstrous kites, there were some much larger than a hot-air-balloon, and as long or longer than 50 meters (to use the typical swimmer's length reference). What I found to be most interesting on this day trip, was Brock's reaction. As we approached the festival grounds, still in the 4runner, Brock began clapping, kicking and shreaking in utter excitement at the site of all the kites. This excitement did not dwindle as we parked and walked toward the field of wonderful, colorful, flying kites. So, if you ever wonder whether a trip out to see nothing but a bunch of kites is worth it for a 17 month-old, there's your answer. As for Xander, he brought his own kite to fly, guess the 4 year-old needs a little more action.

A Happy Post.

So, I am 11 weeks along, and I feel like I have done nothing but give Baby 2.0 negative press. Let me clear the air. I am ecstatic for this new addition! Really, I am. At our 8 week doctor's appointment, we got a sonogram, and wow. Really, nothing is more amazing and delightful than seeing your baby's heart beating, and to see it is growing and that it is the perfect size. I had at one point wondered if the amazement would diminish with number 2? It doesn't. In fact, the only thing that has changed with this one is my lack of fear for the labor part. I just know this one will not be 27 hours long, and it will go smoothly. My comment from oh so many months ago still stands, I will take a day of labor any day over 9 months of pregnancy. (Darn it - those negative thoughts still eek'd their way into the post.)

If there is one positive I can take from all the yucky first trimester/first half of pregnancy symptoms, it is that I get to start off the pregnancy in the negatives as far as weight gain! I am at -5 lbs currently. At this point, I think my final weight might be 10 lbs under where I was with Brock by delivery. Only time will tell. And trust me, the minute I start enjoying food again (if that ever happens) the pounds will start piling on, I have no doubt. Also, a new development this week: I have waves of nausea-free moments throughout the day! I'd say lately I get about 2-3 composite hours of normalcy. Let's hope this just keeps expanding from here on out (no pun intended).

Oh, and I can't really speak for him, but Matt seems to be really, really excited about the baby as well. And I really can't speak for him, but Brock seems to be clueless about it...

Where was Easter!?

Despite having a husband who claims to be a budding photographer, I some how managed to only receive ONE photo from Easter. And this photo wasn't even taken by Matt! It was sent to me that day by my ever so considerate father-in-law. Why didn't I take matters into my own hands and take the photos myself, you ask? Because the boys were in St. Louis while I was stuck in Kansas City pulling shifts at Children's Mercy Hospital.

I did get a chance, however, to join my side of the family in the afternoon for some Easter festivities. And was joined by my boys en route from the Lou. During this visit at my Aunt Maliea's, Brock proved yet again, that boys will be boys...

...surprise, surprise that on Easter, at an Easter celebration, Brock found a piece of foil-covered chocolate. Upon getting said chocolate in his possession, he insistingly shoved it in my mother's hand indicating to her that he wanted it opened. Then proceeded to stand in front of her impatiently, rocking back and forth, hand outstretched, making sure it was abundantly clear that not only does he want that piece of chocolate, he wants it RIGHT NOW. And right when he was on the verge of verbally exclaiming his frustration at how long it was taking (we all know how those foil-covered eggs can be, taking off the thin aluminum piece by piece) a loud revving engine could be heard out in the front yard. Chocolate egg immediately forgotten and abandoned. Guess a 4-wheeler is more exciting. Even though he has never, ever been on one, and only been near one at the 4th of July as an 8 month-old. Like I said, it's in their blood.

The Short List

It's week 10, and I am trying my darndest to stay happy, healthy and positive despite the:

• Migraines
• Exhaustion
• Nausea
• Indigestion
• Forgetfulness
  
• Vomiting
• Food Aversions
• Constipation
• Hot Flashes
  
• Ear Tickling
• Fatigue
• Muscle Twitches
  
• Foggy Head
• Tender Breasts
• Oily Skin
• Oily Hair
  
• Smell Aversions
• Heat Sensitivity
  
• Restless Legs
  
• Urge to Cry
• Abdominal Discomfort
• NEED TO SLEEP
  

Four of us wolves.

You guys might not know this but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one man wolfpack. But when I met Matt, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolfpack, it grew by one. So there were two of us in the wolfpack. I was alone first in the pack and then Matt joined in later. And 16 months ago, when Brock was introduced to me I thought, wait a second, could it be. And then again, 1 month ago, when I found out about a new little peanut, I thought, really, could it be? And now I know for sure that I just added two guys to my wolfpack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together in Kansas City looking for diapers and bottles. So, tonight I make a toast.

Baby 2.O November 5th, 2010.