Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Utter Exaustion

In all my years of competitive swimming, I can not think of one moment that rivals the exhaustion I am currently experiencing. As a student on rotation at Children's Mercy, we are required to join the "Owl Team" for 5 days, or nights rather. This shift is from 6:30pm to 7:30am the next morning. I realize sleep pattern disturbances affect some more than others; but I am sure we can all remember the day after that high school lock-in or slumber party or the night(s) out in college where we thought it would be a good idea to stay up all night. You don't feel so great. No matter how many times you brush your teeth, or shower, you still don't feel right. When are you supposed to eat a real meal again? Should you push through the exhaustion and just go to bed early? Or take a long nap and hope you can fall asleep at a decent hour to get back on track?

In my current situation, I come straight home and attempt to get a full night's sleep from 8am to 4pm. After 2 attempts, I have yet to make it past 2:30pm. Thus cutting my in-order-to-function-properly, pregnancy induced requirement of 10 hours of sleep to a mere 6.5. Needless to say, I have had to take an evening off of the "Owl Team" due to not feeling so hot. A headache has become my permanent friend. My entire GI tract my permanent enemy. Though this day/night of relaxation and sleep is completely warranted, I cannot help but feel disappointed in myself. I am a firm believer in mind over matter. I like to think I can forge through any difficult situation. I am sure there have been many a resident to complete a month of Owl team in their first trimester of pregnancy. And perhaps I could have completed these 5 days without this midway break. But knowing myself, and my body, I most likely would push myself to the point of actually becoming ill. It has been so long since I felt "normal" that I must remind myself constantly that this lack of energy is not my baseline, so I am not proving anything to anyone. I do have someone else relying on my body's health and functionality these days. So for now, with the sacrifice of my pride, I surrender.

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