Sunday, December 16, 2012

Late night thoughts. By Erin.

• The beginning of "Up" is really sad. I verge on tears every single time. And that's saying a lot, because it's Brock's favorite movie. And any of you out there with a child between the ages of 2 & 5, know exactly what I mean - saying A LOT.

• Aging is strange. I don't feel older. My memories don't change, just increase in number. I generally enjoy all the same foods I always have, plus or minus a few. Yet, I am a completely different person than I was 15 years ago. Every so often, I look in the mirror and think, holy $*#+, Im getting old! And I'll be honest (sorry to burst your bubble) but I've also seen random photos of a lot of my friends on Facebook and thought the very same thing about one is immune. The clock keeps ticking. At the exact same pace. It's just weird when you really stop and think about it. We are aging, every second of every day.

• I go back and forth when trying to decide on the most amazing organ. But I think the heart wins more often then not. Similar to my thoughts on aging, your heart just keeps beating. All day, everyday. It doesn't get tired (unless you abuse it). The only thing keeping you alive at this very instant is that organ. If it stops, you die. Simple as that. Yet, it doesn't stop. It keeps ticking away, budump budump budump. It goes, without taking a rest for twenty, thirty, sixty, ninety and even one hundred plus years. It's unbelievable. A true masterpiece. I am
Thankful for my heart. My brain too. But mostly my heart.

• Love is limitless. You can love a lot of people. And when you take in another person to love, it doesn't push anyone out, or move them down the chain. It just puts them right there alongside everyone else you'd consider giving your life to save. Or at the very least, your kidney, or part of your liver. Love is perfect. Live is divine. I love love.

• Because if this love phenomenon, and aging thing, and your heart keeps ticking, and all that stuff, I realized I worry more. I get pervasive thoughts of my loved ones getting in a fatal car accident, or their heart stopping, and any number of irrational fears I won't list to save some face of sanity. I didn't used to have these. It's because my love has grown and expanded to such a point that I truly feel I have a lot to lose. Mostly I carry on like normal, but sometimes I just worry. Or have an anxiety attack...which I like to think of as a little wind sprint work out for my heart. Does a body good, right?

• And all of these fleeting thoughts about aging, the heart, love, worry are demonstrated in the opening 15 minutes of the movie "Up". And further displayed throughout the entire film. So yeah. I tear up at the beginning of that movie. Every single time.

Brock has impeccable taste in movies.

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