I am exhausted. I feel run down. I don't have the time to catch up on house work, nor the time to relax. I really want to see Les Miserables. I worked 26 hours on Christmas Day and the day after. There is no room in our house for all the Christmas gifts. I can't quit obsessing about this $600,000 house that is ridiculous of me to have even randomly stopped in the Open House that one Sunday a couple months ago. The kids won't sit still for a picture. They never want to eat what I have made for dinner. They are hungry. Tired. Bored. Can I play with your phone. Can I play with your iPad. Can I go outside and play in the snow. Do you know how long it takes to bundle up a 2 & 4 year old. Ugh. I want to go to my sister's for some chili. I still haven't seen Les Mis. I've got one of eight loads of laundry done and folded. The sheets need to be changed. The Christmas tree needs to be taken outside. I spent most my day taking down Christmas decorations, instead of playing with my kids. But the storage containers are still in the middle of the living room, because I don't have the energy to carry them all the way to the basement, and reorganize to find a place to fit them back into storage. I absolutely DO NOT want to go to work. Done. I am done. I don't have this weekend off. I didn't have last weekend off. It gets dark by 5pm. How depressing. I haven't worked out in at least 2 months. Because of my grumpiness, my husband is now overworked. He didn't get much vacation or time to relax either.
An entire year is over. I try not to think about the hundreds to thousands of things we did not get done, like finishing our back porch. Re-carpeting the upstairs and building a walk-in closet. Painting the hallway. General organization of the entire house. I try not to think about the things we can no longer put off; painting & repairing the outside of the house, perhaps new windows, new driveway and new garage door. Getting my loan repayment situation figured out. Deciding on what I want to do upon finishing residency in a year and a half. Every measurement of time has the same cycle with me, I wake up refreshed ready to take on the day and go to bed disappointed I only accomplished a third of what I hoped to do...the week, the year, it's all the same. Tomorrow, I will wake up inspired, optimistic, motivated. Someday, I will learn to adjust my expectations to reality. Well, probably not.