Rekindled.

It was one of those "perfect storm" kind of days.  I was on Sunday back-up call, which means I hang out in the hospital for 24 hours, just in case the Medicine RIC or OB RIC gets too slammed or overwhelmed with admissions, calls, deliveries, codes, etc.  The hospital was steady, but not overwhelming, so I was trying to catch up on busy work.  A non-emergent primary cesarean was called.  The fellow never showed up.  The attended said, "You want to do it then?"  And I jumped on the opportunity to first assist and said, "Sure!"  Little did I know, he was actually asking me if I wanted to perform the actual procedure myself!  Honestly, I knew I made the right decision when I didn't even hesitate to agree to it.  A year ago, maybe even a month ago, I might have been too nervous, not felt ready, not been confident.  But yesterday, I could do it.

I scrubbed in, stood on the lead side of the table, and made my first abdominal incision into the skin. The procedure went smoothly from there.  We had baby out within 10 minutes of start time, and mom's skin closed back up with the hour. The nurses all congratulated me, and told me I looked like a natural. A few of them surprised to find out it was my first.  I had been toying with the idea of doing the OB fellowship and pursuing a career in Family Practice with Obstetrics, but the options are limited in Kansas City for this kind of practice.  Suddenly, I feel as though it might be the right path for me, despite the obstacles. Some days it is tempting to just work in urgent care 12-14 days a month and spend more time with my ever growing family.  Other days, I think about how the climate is changing in the field of obstetrics, and so many people are looking for midwives, or NP's, or going a different route than OBGyn, hoping for a more natural experience.  An OB fellowship trained Family Practitioner might be a great option!

I only have a year and a half left to decide.  Better hop to it.