Monday, April 29, 2013


Did you know that the closer you stand to the person in front of you, the faster the line will progress!?  It works even better if you are sure to breath heavily down the neck of the person ahead of you.  And if you huff and sigh a little.  Maybe pace back and forth, frequently switching the weight from one hip to the other, then it will really pick up the pace of the line.  Make sure you take a tiny step forward with every tiny step of your predecessor.  Because there is NO WAY that person is inching forward and becoming uncomfortably close to the person in front of them in order to get away from you.  No, no, no.  They have just caught on to your genius plan.  They've realized that the person at the register's ability to take care of the customer, is, in fact, completely related to the space between each line waiter.  They have discovered your secret. They see that, oh my gosh! The line is suddenly progressing faster than ever, just because they have violated the natural limit most humans have regarding their personal space.

Yup, I said it.  People have an area surrounding them, called: PERSONAL SPACE.  There seems to be an unspoken rule as to the proper amount of personal space one requires.  This memo seems to have reached the world, far, and wide.  But YOU missed it. You and few other inattentive, unobservant, self-serving a-holes, have managed to completely disregard what is so natural and comfortable for EVERYONE else.  In case, like to most things, you were totally oblivious to the paragraph above, I will spell it out for you; I was being sarcastic. Not facetious, as that would imply that I was being silly, whimsical, joking.  But sarcastic, as in, you are an idiot.  Thanks for making my Panera experience, unnecessarily awful. Oh, and if you didn't pick up on that either; I'm not really thanking you.  I'm pissed.


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