Utter Chaos

You can call it "nesting" if you insist on that awful, inaccurate, non-real term, but I call it preparation. Just like the week or two before a huge exam, or the week or two before a huge competition, you don't just sit around and wait for that day to happen and hope all goes well...you prepare, practice, get anxious and excited for everything to be and go perfect. So, here I am, sitting at 2 weeks before the estimated arrival of our little baby 2.O, and what have I done? Nothing. Therefore, I feel it very appropriate that I feel the sudden need to get things organized - or at least some clothes washed for the new one.

The only problem with this sudden desire of mine to get our house out of disarray, is that neither Matt, nor I, currently have the time needed to devote solely to this endeavor. Matt is working 10+ hour days. He has weddings to shoot, which take all day on Saturdays. I have to spend a lot of my free time studying for an exam that I MUST pass at the end of November. And on top of this lack of time, I have a complete lack of energy. Waking up at 5:19am and getting home between 4 and 6pm, delivering babies and seeing patients all day, while 38 weeks pregnant, has kind of taken it out of me. Shocking, I know. Then, in the middle of all of this, is poor little Brock who rarely sees both his parents at once, if at all. (Though he absolutely doesn't seem to mind - he loves his grandparents, aunts, uncles and Zia!) So, any little iota of "free time" I get, involves playing with my son; not laundry, not cleaning, not organizing, but going to the park, or to the Pumpkin Patch, or just a simple walk up the block.Things just feel especially hectic. I think the chaos is obvious when one has to pencil in simple things, such as going to the grocery store, Target, Costco or the pharmacy. Everyday, I sit for a moment and try to remember all the things I know I am forgetting, like bills, school paperwork, does Brock even own a pair of sweat pants, have I eaten today? The "baby brain" adds an extra level of difficulty to this task.

We are just so busy, it really has not sunk in that there will be a newborn living here soon. I mean, 2.O could arrive tonight! I think it will all slow down and fall into place once I finish up with my rotation next week. Even though I have to diligently study while caring for a newby, I will be home all day, everyday, for a month. I just have to keep reminding myself, one day at a time. Breath.