Friday, October 19, 2012

"Oh, well, I can't complain to you"

So very often, a friend will begin to complain about something.  They might mention how busy they are, or tired or overworked.  I will listen, and sympathize with them.  Afterall, I too, know what it feels like to be entirely too busy, worked to the point of exhaustion, and in the mood to complain.  In fact, I live my life in or verging on this condition at all times.  And, as soon as I start to tell them I understand completely, it's like a bomb goes off, they seem almost startled, and say something to the effect of, "but I can't complain to you [fill in with: I only have one kid; I only work 4 days a week; I am not even married; etc]"  I simply smile, and say: but of course you can, I agree, that sounds like a shitty day, situation, meal, co-worker or whatever it might be ailing the person at that particular moment. It is not in me to ever presume that my situation is any harder than anyone else's.  We all fight our own battles.  Everyday.

I choose to challenge myself on a near daily basis.  I love pushing myself to the breaking point.  I need it.  It's how I function, thrive, maintain my sanity, tame my energy, feel productive, support my pride, enjoy my life.  This is me.  I expect no one else to do or feel the same.  As a child, I did puzzles.  All sorts of puzzles, jigsaw, word search, crossword, logic.  I took these types of things to school with me, so that the motor in my mind could just go, and go, and go.  I swam before and after school, for 11 years, to work off my near limitless energy.  I remember reading for hours in my bed, yet still being the first to wake up, every morning as a youngster. 

I don't judge you for working 3 twelve hour shifts in a row and feeling beat down and exhausted.  It just so happens, my limit is more like 16 twelve hour shifts before I feel broke. But, if I have to wait even 20 minutes in line at the DMV, or anywhere for that matter, I am nearly in tears, and pissed off for the rest of the day.  I have abandoned carts with groceries totaling well into the 100's just because of line length.  I can't do it, just can't.  We all have different limits.  My loves and hates differ from yours.  Who am I to find your complaint invalid? Unsupported?  I feel for you, I really do.  There is nothing worse than feeling helpless, or like things aren't going your way.  We all have those moments.  And though it may not be something that would have affected me in the same way, I know the feeling of defeat, disappointment, or unfulfilled expectations.
And let's get real, I am in no way exempt from committing complaints.  It's only fair I be on the receiving end from time to time.  This is in no way an open invitation for venting.  Just know, I am not comparing my life to yours, so don't compare yours to mine.  I only strive to become the best me I can be...I suggest you do the same.  Living everyday, with the knowledge that I have tried.  That I gave the day everything I had in me to give, which leaves me satisfied every night.  I am happy in this life that I chose, because I chose it.  Every bit of it.  I am proud of it.  And I love it.

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