Monday, February 27, 2012

10 days.

How funny. It must take 10 days for my heart to swell to the point that I must let it spill over into others' lives by writing about it. Because, yet again, I find myself blogging with a newborn in my lap with the full intent to gush on and on about how wonderful this little addition truly is.

The first 2-3 days are spent in the hospital. Here I find myself nothing but amazed and running on pure adrenaline. Amazed at the perfect little human being that did not exist just moments ago. Amazed that he is a boy. Amazed that I carried and created him. Amazed that I delivered all 10 pounds 7 ounces of him. Amazed that he is perfect. Despite being my third birthing experience in little more than 3 years, this period of absolute awe remains consistent.

Then, the arrival home from the hospital. The first few days are spent with the mornings waking up with the "can-do" attitude. Adjusting to our new lifestyle. Introducing the little one to the dogs, the kids, the family, the friends. Taking things moment by moment. And slowly, as evening rolls around, the sudden doubts. Maybe even a moment of panic. Can I handle this forever? What have we done? Tears as I hug my oldest, thinking, am I expecting too much of you now? Tears as I hug my middle child, thinking, you are still my sweet baby. Tears as I hold my newborn, thinking, how can I love something so much already?

And, then, finally, a balance, day 10. Maybe that's when the hormones have leveled. Maybe that is just how long it takes me to fully adjust and come to absolutely love my new lifestyle. Maybe I feel completely healed and ready to move forward. Whatever it is, it is bliss. And even being home, alone, all day with all 3 boys, I am divinely happy. I once again get to breath in the smell of a 10 day old, I get to feel him lying on my chest, breathing, or snoring in George's case. I get to see him melt in my arms, and become completely relaxed because he is surrounded by the familiar safety of his mother. I get to admire his double chin and chicken legs. His nose and eyes that resemble his father, and oldest brother. His long, long fingers. His golden hair, and absolutely ambiguously colored eyes.
Lastly, I get to speculate and wonder about who he will become, and what his personality will be like. I was dead on with Curtis at his 10 day post, describing him as laid-back. Wish I could say the same about George...but he has a bit too easily distracted to be a Curtis. And is able to sleep through and ignore too many things to be a Brock. He seems a little bit on the serious-side to me. My little thinker.

Whatever you are, I love you.

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