Oh George. Don't grow up. I don't mind you sleeping nearly 6 hours in a row. But don't grow up. I cannot take another child changing daily, right in front of me. I cannot take trying to keep up with all the new and amazing things you do, day in and day out. I cannot take the incredibly peaceful, serene moments a newborn provides, that will pass too quickly and I will forget in the future. Or the funny little faces you make, that change from moment to moment, that I cannot possibly capture. Will you always look like a silly old man when you start to cry? Will you always struggle to fall asleep, yet stay asleep through 2 barking dogs, 2 screaming brothers, and a rain storm? Just stay as you are, so I don't need to drive myself nuts trying to preserve your every little, adorable, newborn minute.
The cycle continues. Around now, I start to freak out because my baby is growing too fast. I start to fret that I have not taken enough pictures, and before I know it, George will be Brock's age. I will forget what it was like to have a sweet, adorable, innocent newborn. I then attempt to take some pictures of my own...which always makes me appreciate photographers. It is definitely NOT the quality of camera or the use of Photoshop. My husband has the creme de la creme of cameras, and it takes me about 40 images to get something somewhat decent. Then about and hour of finagling with Photoshop, before I give up, because I just don't have the eye for it. Something is not right with this photo...it's fine, but it doesn't have that extra special "pop" that makes you say, wow.But, no matter how many photographs you take, or moments you try to capture and describe, you will forget. It's just the way it goes. I can only remember teeny bits and pieces of Brock as a newbie. I forget so, so many of the funny little things he has said and done in his 3 years of existence. There is just no way to catalog all of it. And you can drive yourself crazy attempting to do so. Yet, I will continue to have my moments of panic. I will pull out the nice camera and try to take pictures...or I will force Matt to do so. I will write random blog posts in an attempt to reminisce about some funny, or meaningful moment in our short little life. And soon, I will really miss having a tiny baby around.
When does one decide they are OK with never having another little? When they just cannot afford another one? When they become too overwhelmed with the ones they already have? I sometimes wonder if I truly have the capability to be "overwhelmed". I have always thought I might be high on the evolutionary chain (after all, I was missing a wisdom tooth), which means my ability to adapt to change must be phenomenal. But I should take my significant other into account...perhaps he does have a limit. Though, more and more, I see that he is just as insane. He did marry me.